Hell, I'm gonna be nice and let Edna tell it, as she's staring daggers at me right now. The mayor chose to appoint her the secretary of the club, and Mamma H done made me swear to play nice with Edna this year since she's been mighty lonely with Willa up at the Sister's. Heck and we's trying to live up to this whole idea of community building and focusin on our commonalities. Bout the only commonality I can see is that Edna and I done been arguing for sixty some odd years, and I don't plan to stop that no time soon. We have a clear foundation laid up over the decades. Why should we mess with pure gold, right?
Anyways, here's Edna's writeup for the book club, which ya can keep up with over here.
The Formation of Stink Creek Book Club
Edna Huggabutt here, just now declared the secretary of the Stink Creek Book Club, whether I want this piece of work or not. I tell you what, to tell me I gots to sit here and write up every gosh-darn thing these here upstanding my arse citizens decide to say about books and book learning. Well, I never. But my partner and buddy, Willa, has herself locked up and away with the Sisters right now as she was beginning to take to following Luther round town and clucking. It was too much to bear, so here I am at the Mayor's request, acting as secretary while the Ladies for the Glorification and Edification of Stink Creek set up this here book club for all members of Stink Creek to partake in.
We're gonna be getting all literarified, so to speak, instead of all of us boarding ourselves up in our houses and watching episode after episode of Hoarders. Ain't no fair, but the mayor said if I behaved and recorded it all faithful like, he'd support me next election for the president of the Ladies for the GaEoSC. And if I manage to finally wrestle Mamma H from her position of power, I'm demoting Thelma to the gosh-darned secretary position.
There they all sit at the head of the committee table (we're meeting at the church and bar tonight for our first meeting), drinking Wild Turkey and laughing up a storm while I sit in this little bitty desk they got out of the old courthouse. Said a secretary and stenographer ought to have her own little place to make sure she could focus on getting all the edification down.
Har, as if these people is gonna get gentrified and gussied up by reading good works. Thelma looking all uppity, with her little man beside her, calls him the Emperor, sitting on a stack of thick, dusty books so as he can see over the top of the bar, him and his stack of books piled in front of him. Stupid little bow tie. Thick glasses, too, so as he always looks perpetually perplexed. He's gonna start the whole thing, supposedly, tell us all about how important literature is for us to read and understand how the world works. Well, hell's bells and Jesus wept. Sure he's gonna reach the fine people of Stink Creek. Them damned surveyors went through the town a few months back and Stink Creek was declared to be the most uniformly uninformed of all the towns and villages in the entire state of Kentucky! It's got the mayor in a tizzy, right enough, and the emperor done swooped in at Mamma H and Thelma's bequest and said he had a cheap and online solution to our problems: something about some Annenberg media thing with all sorts of free classes. The emperor, mister high-and-mighty said he figured the place to start was with that American Literature junk. Hoo-eeey, I tell you what, I been reading me them Harlequins now for forty some odd years and I done learned everything I need to know right there. Danged straight. Literature? What the sam-hill I wanna read dead folks for? Stuffy stuff like that? Our kids ain't got to know that to go work in the mines, nosirreee. Nope, nor to go on over to the next town and work for Walmart. Why, a diet of Hoarders, The Glee Club and that there fancy dancing show for them two-bit stars is all they need. But I was overruled. So here we is, fixing to be bored out of our everloving minds on a diet of stuffy dead folks in a course called American Passages. Lordy, it gets even better, too. Thelma was atalking to her internet friend, some stuffy goody two shoes by the name of KWombles who just happens to be using the same old video program to get her students snoring away, and it's done been decided that some of us will be takin this here danged thing for CREDIT with her via long distance networking. Ain't me, I tell you what. No sir bob. Nope, Luther and Milo T done signed up for it. And Willa, bless her, since she's been bored up at the Sisters, has agreed to take it in order to get set on free come the end of May. So, hear tell, that them students at some little bitty college in a place called Cisco, Texas, will be alooking at this site and taking this here edification journey with us. God help us all. It's a hook up of Stink Creek citizens and Cisco College students! The emperor thinks it's all a grand idea; edification across state lines and the generations.
I'm watching the fine upstanding citizens of Stink Creek right now. Luther's out there holding a chicken in his lap. Larinda, his niece, is dressed in a red and white checked apron, with a hat of chicken feathers on her head. Shewey. The first work will no doubt have to involve chickens or they'll be gone. Milo T is peeking out from the kitchen where he works as a fry cook now. His specialty is fried chicken, of course. Darn fools, half of the folks in this room done stayed up at the Sisters. Sure, this'll make for deep learning and thinking.
I tell you what, ifn anybody needs edification, it's these folks. They think they are something else, but what they are is nothing near edified. Mh-hmmm. But I ain't at all convinced that they can handle it. Our mettle's being tested, that's for sure.
I get my satisfaction where I can, though. Ifn I gots to do this edification AND write up all the minutes and manage this here blog, well, them students down there Cisco way ain't gonna get no false sense of how awesome my nemesis Thelma is. Won't they be surprised to read these here minutes, and it's all going out there on the internet for folks to see how the people of Stink Creek really talk and think. Got em right where I want em, I do.